How do you deal with rude messages?

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How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by admin » Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:55 am

Question of the day,

How do you deal with rude messages?

As I just got one in my inbox and am sitting on my hands before I reply I figured this would be a good topic for discussion.
I don't know if they meant to be rude or if they just have terrible communication skills, I hope its the latter.

Do you respond when folks are rude?
Do you Ignore?
Do you respond but call them on their rude tone?
Do you respond as if they were pleasant?

Any sage wisdom?
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Extinction » Thu Apr 06, 2017 1:21 am

For me, it depends on the context of the statement they sent me.

For example, if I just get some message in my inbox from someone and the context clearly points to trolling, well, the answer is simple.
Block and delete. :D

However, I've had my fair share of accusations, drama, unhappy customers and the likes.
Generally I try to be as polite as possible, and straight forward. I've found that people on here like to do what I often experience in real life, which is they like to fill their arguments, vents, and/or displeasure with filler to make it sound worse or to seem brutal. Thats why I like t be pretty blunt with the person so that the truth of it all can be found much soon rather then later.
However you always have those sorts of people who like to argue back, swear up and down they know what they are talking about (when they clearly don't), and to the poin you pretty much want to tell them to **** off. For me, I do it intelligently. Baffle them with my smarts, lol. Plus, if they decide to be petty and report you, you're pretty good with covering yourself and not looking like the ass in the situation (I've had people report me, not realising that what they say also gets sent LOL).
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by GuySBot » Thu Apr 06, 2017 4:59 am

The internets have trained most people to be short tempered and as eluded by yourself and Extinction with poor writing skills that do not help either situations . Many people and especially with IMVUsers get addicted to fighting , they don't even realize what they are doing and think it's normal .

Do I respond , usually always but I rarely get bad messages .
Ignore , rarely if ever . Can't even think of one time I did ignore anyone on IMVU .
Now on the other hand not in IMVU messages or to say within the chat client it's inevitable to be trolled -
In response I won't call them out to reply with the same rudeness but in a way will point that out through sarcasm .
My theory in life is why let someone who is angry or mean turn you into that same type of person .
Basically I have a way to make people feel bad about what they said by being apologetic or killing them with kindness so to speak .
One of my favorite lines when someone says something mean to me is to say " Thank you that is the nicest thing anyone said to me all day " .
Yes pretty much respond as If they were pleasant because - people have bad days , bad weeks , bad years , bad lives and will often
take it out on anyone who will listen - misery loves company . I have no doubt in my mind ( again not in messages but in chat ) I've
gifted a lot of un-happy users and/or treated them with a kindness they simply aren't used to and it has worked for positive affect .

A little one of my stories here - internets early days . . I noticed in most any chat room yes there were friendly people and good chats
but for the most part it was people who by being regular chatters became addicted to logging in to fight . They claimed to hate their arch
enemies yet would show up every day just to interact with that person instead of spending time more productive such as enjoying life with
those who they got along with . In essence they were really best friends with their arch enemies and didn't even realize it . Even when told
to ignore each other by those who were on their sides and tired of watching the non-sense they'd still continue to banter . You see when we
are friends with people they will often make fun of us and at times it maybe hurtful because they know how to push your buttons . Its more
a sign that they like you than the opposite . - Long story short here I kinda adopted a chat room and automated some friendly welcome messages and responses making a lot of users feel - welcome , happy , loved - whatsoever . This had a lasting affect where I gained many friends so to say tossing that tiny little pebble of kindness into the very large pond , those ripples created are still going outward and bouncing back all around us . To add in the yin-yang of life for all good is equal bad so be warned that being a force of good will attract as great in force of evils .
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by DianaDeMysterieux » Thu Apr 06, 2017 7:18 am

I don't get rude messages very much, however it depends on the message.

If it's something that is blatantly rude such as the person calling me an ugly names and/or using colorful language, I report and block the person. Now if it's a case of someone just being a troll out of boredom, I will respond back with something like...

"You clearly had nothing better to do" and at end of the message say..."Have a nice day" and then block the person.
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Zara » Thu Apr 06, 2017 8:37 am

Years ago I started out by calling them on their rudeness and usually giving as good as I got.

Then I mellowed and tried being polite, ignoring the rudeness I would just deal with the subject.

Now if someone is rude to me I tend to just delete without reading any further. Life is less draining if you don't pay any attention to arseholes. ;)
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by MandaMarie » Thu Apr 06, 2017 9:36 pm

admin wrote:
Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:55 am
Question of the day,

How do you deal with rude messages?

As I just got one in my inbox and am sitting on my hands before I reply I figured this would be a good topic for discussion.
I don't know if they meant to be rude or if they just have terrible communication skills, I hope its the latter.

Do you respond when folks are rude?
Do you Ignore?
Do you respond but call them on their rude tone?
Do you respond as if they were pleasant?

Any sage wisdom?
D. Do you respond as if they were pleasant?

This depends on a few things though. Let's get the easy one out of the way. If it's just flat out made to be rude, I rarely bother responding. I mean there is very rude to where any reply wouldn't do any good, to be honest. What does it usually end up turning into? Internet fight? We know where those go. In no real good direction. That being said, there is a reason I try to always respond as if they were pleasant.

Translation can be hard. I know not everyone shares this with me, but English is my primary language. I don't know any other languages. There is one thing I do know, though. Not everything translates to English very well. Did you know there are things that, when said in French, are considered normal, polite conversation to another who is also French? But when you translate it to English directly, it makes you wanna slap the Frenchmen! >.< Truth is most every language does this. Sorry, no examples today but, that is something to keep in mind when receiving messages from others. What may seem rude to you, might not be the way the writer intended.

If I establish they are trying to be rude after a second reply, I tend to "kill em with kindness." I have already been called every bad word in the book by now and have become numb to most of what people will say to me. Well, there are those new words people have been making up in the last 10 years on the internets. Most I don't even know what they mean. :O I will reply a few polite times, see if they are willing to break down their tone, and actually talk with me. If they continue I have no issues using my blocked person list on them.

As for calling them on their rude tone, well... See the section again about "Internet fight."
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by EsReverniDrawrof » Fri Apr 07, 2017 4:08 am

💯 what MandaMarie said. Especially "what might seem rude to you might not be what the writer intended". When I'm speaking in conversation, I joke a lot, and in RL you can visually see I'm smiling while delivering sarcasm. This doesn't always come through when I'm writing ( hence my overuse of these guys :D :lol: ). Culture clashes are inevitable too.
In deciding to respond or not, I first try to figure out the intent of the message. Did I directly do something that needs fixed, or is this person asking for help/ answers? Is this person just being a troll or did their cat pee in their Cheerios?
If you reply, Ignoring rudeness ( don't "lower yourself standards" )is always the way to go. Like dealing with a child having a tantrum. If it continues, remove them from the situation ( delete/ block).

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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by oOChrissyOo » Sat Apr 08, 2017 10:23 am

As I was once, or maybe a few times told by a friend....The best response is...."To kill them with kindness", although its not always easy to do.
Mostly, I just walk away....
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by ChocolateCookie » Sat Apr 08, 2017 11:14 am

As someone who hasn't always been the most liked person on the old IMVU forums and who has dealt with some serious harassment, I have a lot of experience with this.

For the most part, "kill them with kindness" is a pretty accurate statement, although maybe not in the way some people think it works. You should not be rewarding their behavior, instead you should show them respect, call out their behavior and not give them a reaction they are hoping for. Most trolls, angry people and other types of trouble makes can be talked down pretty easily. People usually will get pretty scared and calm down when confronted, because it makes them think about the situation and makes them feel like you listen to them, the latter is especially important when the anger is fueled by the need for attention. On average, people want to be liked and respected and are willing to work for it. So saying things like "I'm sorry but I really do not understand why you are upset with me right now. Please explain as I really did not mean to offend you." usually helps solve the conflict fast. This also helps sort out any kind of misunderstanding.

Confrontation works well when the attacked is someone that does not have something personally against you like when a friend sent them or they are just going off on random people for fun. When it comes to more personal conflicts, well, then usually there is no other option than to ignore the person. I'll try to confront them but when that does not work then ignoring really is the best solution most of the times. Fact is, some people just won't like you and it is just better not to poke it. Although, I have had some cases where I have had to be much more rougher towards a certain person or even report their actions against me, but I have started to try to avoid those situations as much as I can. Tearing someone who has hurt you down might seem nice but in the end, it is just me hurting another person.

To give your questions a short answer, I generally do not ignore people and try to be as respectful towards them as I would be towards anyone else although I'll probably be more firm with them. I actually often enjoy dealing with conflicts, it doesn't really get to me and I like seeing people' reactions when confronted, some of them get hilariously angry but most go from vicious to friendly and much more humble when they realize that there was really no need to attack me like that. Interestingly, people rarely apologize. It's not because they do not see how they were in the wrong but because it is very hard for most people to openly admit to it.
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Notorious Chicka » Mon Apr 10, 2017 7:02 am

I send them cement shoes.
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Seige » Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:12 pm

I respond in a mature manner because I don't know if the rudeness was intended sometimes we can misunderstand how words come across in text verses how they are actually being spoken. Now if they continue with the rude approach I politely tell them were they can go then block them. :twisted:
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Roy » Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:37 am

Seige wrote:
Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:12 pm
I respond in a mature manner because I don't know if the rudeness was intended sometimes we can misunderstand how words come across in text verses how they are actually being spoken. Now if they continue with the rude approach I politely tell them were they can go then block them. :twisted:
True...but sometimes it is obvious xD

Sometimes people want to bait, troll or just hate on you. I thankfully have not had so much.

I think the most recent ones were yelling at me from booting them from someone's room I was not even mod in. XD

Room boots can really make people mad, even if they were warned a few times. Some people think they can do whatever they want because "free speech".

Some people..will just hate on others because they are jealous >:P Or sometimes they assume things about you. People think I am rude when I do not immediately greet them. (a lot of the time people pop in and out without saying anything, sometimes I am shy..sometimes I do not want to feel like a Walmart greeter on too much caffeine)
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by BunnyCakes » Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:44 am

I block and ignore.
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Elaini » Wed Apr 19, 2017 7:41 am

BunnyCakes wrote:
Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:44 am
I block and ignore.
That would be it, no need for complicated what ifs... they're not worth wasting your breath on.

If they will rage about it, let them rage. I've had some self entitled people completely flipping out on me for not agreeing with them on some very small things or playing along with their games. I stopped reading their messages as a whole when they started cussing me out with every second word or so (how juvenile) like they were seriously freaking out while I kept my calm. I even told them to calm down and focus on something that they do like...

Every time I read their replies I imagined hearing a six-year-old child throwing a big tantrum with a funny cartoon voice. Then I couldn't hear them anymore. I wonder why. ;)
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by Daise2 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:11 pm

I hardly get rude messages but, it would depend on the message. If there is the possibility that its down to a language issue, then I answer politely and try to help out....I always get a positive response when I do that.

On the odd occassion someone clearly being rude, then I either just ignore it or I send them a polite, sarcastic 'thank you'. Today for example, some kid I saw in one of the Welcome rooms messaged me to say 'your avi is shit and you look like Taylor Swift'....so I just messaged back saying 'Why thank you very much, I just love Taylor Swift!! she's my fav!!'. I don't block or report but just ignore it. I'm too lazy to do any unnecessary clicking ;)
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Re: How do you deal with rude messages?

Post by MandaMarie » Sat May 06, 2017 3:20 pm

BunnyCakes wrote:
Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:44 am
I block and ignore.
This is by far the quickest and easiest way of dealing with them. The great thing about it... it TOTALY WORKS!
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;)

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